How to Help a Dog With Separation Anxiety
If you already know—or are pretty sure—your dog has separation anxiety, here's what the process of helping them generally looks like.
Not sure whether your dog has separation anxiety? Start with my guide to the signs of separation anxiety →
The quick version
Step 1: See what happens when you leave
Set up a camera and watch your dog when you’re gone. You need to know what their separation anxiety actually looks like before you can make a useful training plan.
Step 2: Figure out what your dog can comfortably handle
Look for the point where your dog's behavior starts to change. That gives you a starting point for training.
Step 3: Avoid alone time that cause significant distress
As much as realistically possible, don't leave your dog alone longer than they can currently handle while you're working on the problem.
Step 4: Practice easier absences and gradually make them harder
Start with times away that your dog can handle. Watch them on camera and gradually make things harder based on what you see.
Step 5: Adjust the plan as you learn more
Progress won't always be steady, and you may need to work on different scenarios separately. Pay attention to how your dog responds as you're getting ready to leave, who leaves, the time of day, and other things that might make being alone easier or harder.
The details
Step 1: See what happens when you leave
One of the most useful things you can do is set up a camera and watch your dog after you leave.
Without video, it’s surprisingly hard to know what’s happening. Maybe you know your dog barks because your neighbors have told you. Or you come home to something destroyed. But you probably don’t know exactly when it started, what your dog was doing before it started, or whether your dog ever settled down.
A camera gives you a much clearer picture.
Some things to watch for include:
Pacing or repeatedly moving between locations
Panting or drooling when it isn’t hot
Yawning or licking their lips
Becoming very still or unusually watchful
Staying focused on the door or other exits
Having trouble settling or repeatedly getting back up
Scratching or chewing around doors and other exits
Trying to escape
Destructive behavior
Urinating or defecating
Not eating food they would normally be interested in
Some of these signs are easy to miss, especially if your dog isn't barking or being destructive. Try to look at the whole picture rather than any one behavior. A dog lying quietly by the door, for example, might be perfectly comfortable, or they might be very worried and waiting for you to come back.
You’re trying to answer a bigger question: Does my dog seem comfortable being alone?
Step 2: Figure out what your dog can comfortably handle
Once you can watch your dog while you’re gone, the next step is figuring out how much alone time they can comfortably handle right now.
For one dog, trouble might start before their person has even made it out the door. Another dog might be perfectly comfortable for 10 minutes and then start getting worried. Another might be okay for much longer.
What matters isn’t just the amount of time. Watch for changes in your dog’s behavior.
Maybe they were resting and suddenly get up and stare at the door. Maybe they start pacing. Maybe their breathing changes. Maybe they stop engaging with what they were doing and become increasingly focused on the door or where you left.
Those details can tell you more than the timer does.
And your dog’s comfort level isn’t necessarily going to be exactly the same every day. Separation anxiety training isn’t a neat progression where a dog who handled 10 minutes yesterday is automatically ready for 11 minutes today.
The training needs to respond to what your dog is showing you.
Step 3: Avoid alone time that cause significant distress
This is often the hardest part.
If your dog can currently handle being alone for five minutes, but you leave them for four hours while you go to work, those four hours aren't helping them learn to be comfortable alone. Repeatedly spending time scared or distressed can make the problem worse.
During separation anxiety training, the goal is to prevent those overwhelming absences as much as realistically possible.
Depending on your situation, that might mean using:
Friends or family
A pet sitter
Daycare
Bringing your dog with you
Working from home when possible
Coordinating schedules with other people in your household
That can be a pain. For a lot of people, figuring out how to manage unavoidable absences is one of the hardest parts of the entire process.
It also doesn't have to be perfect. Real life happens. The goal is to avoid leaving your dog longer than they can comfortably handle as much as you reasonably can while you're working on the problem.
Why not just let them cry it out?
If your dog is distressed when they're alone, repeatedly leaving them until they eventually stop barking or crying doesn't teach them that being alone is safe.
They may stay worried the entire time, or they may eventually become quiet without actually becoming comfortable. And repeatedly practicing long, distressing absences can make it harder for them to learn that being alone is something they can handle.
Instead, separation anxiety training starts with absences your dog can manage comfortably and builds from there.
Step 4: Practice easier absences and gradually make them harder
This is where the training comes in.
Instead of leaving your dog until they become anxious, you practice absences they can comfortably handle. At first, that might be surprisingly small.
You might put on your shoes, walk to the door, step outside for a few seconds, and come back in. You watch your dog on camera throughout the process.
If your dog seemed comfortable, you have useful information. If they started becoming worried, you have useful information too. The next absence should probably be easier.
Over time, you gradually work toward longer absences as your dog becomes more comfortable.
The key word is gradually.
You shouldn’t add the same amount of time every day or make every absence harder than the one before it. Easier absences should be mixed in with more challenging ones.
The goal isn't to keep beating your previous record. The goal is to give your dog lots of experiences with being alone that don't end in significant distress.
Should you give your dog a Kong or other food toys when you leave?
Food toys can keep some dogs occupied, but they aren't a treatment for separation anxiety. A dog might happily work on a Kong and then become distressed as soon as they're finished. Food toys can also make it harder to see some of the subtle changes in your dog's behavior that tell you how they're feeling.
During training, pay attention to what your dog does throughout the entire absence rather than using whether they'll eat as a measure of how comfortable they are.
Once your dog is comfortable being home alone for longer periods, food toys can be added in to help give them something to do while you're gone.
Should you crate your dog when you leave?
A crate can be useful for plenty of things, but it isn't a treatment for separation anxiety. Some dogs become even more distressed when being alone is combined with confinement. A dog who happily sleeps in their crate at night or relaxes there while you're home may still struggle with being crated when they're alone.
If you're not sure, use your camera to see where your dog is most comfortable when left alone.
Step 5: Adjust the plan as you learn more
Separation anxiety training isn't a fixed schedule. What your dog does during each absence helps you decide what to do next.
Keep track of how long you were gone, what you did before leaving, and what you saw on camera. Over time, you may start to notice patterns. Your dog might struggle more when everyone leaves the house at once but do better when someone has already been gone for a while. They might be more comfortable with one leaving routine than another.
Pay attention to what happens before you leave, too. Things like putting on your shoes, picking up your keys, grabbing a bag, or walking toward the door can become signals that you're about to go. If your dog starts getting worried before you've even left, that may need to become part of the training too.
You'll probably also have easier and harder days. A dog who was comfortable with a certain absence yesterday won't necessarily be ready for something harder today. That's okay. You don't need to increase the time every time you practice.
Use what you see to plan the next absence. If your dog was comfortable, you may be able to make things a little harder. If they started to struggle, make the next one easier.
Try to look at the overall trend rather than any one session. Progress won't always be steady. A harder day doesn't erase the progress your dog has already made.
A few other things to know
How long separation anxiety training takes
There isn't a set timeline for separation anxiety training. Some dogs make progress relatively quickly, while others need months of gradual work.
How long it takes depends on the individual dog, where they're starting, how consistently you can practice, and what happens along the way. You may also see periods of faster progress followed by stretches where things move more slowly.
Think in terms of months rather than weeks. The goal is steady improvement over time, not reaching a particular number of minutes by a particular date.
When to talk to your veterinarian
It's a good idea to let your veterinarian know if your dog is struggling with separation anxiety, especially if the problem is severe, has appeared suddenly, or is significantly affecting their quality of life (or yours).
For some dogs, medication can make it easier for them to learn and make progress with training. Medication doesn't replace the training itself, and whether it's appropriate for your dog is something to discuss with your veterinarian.
When to get professional help
Working with a trainer can be especially useful if your dog becomes distressed very quickly, you're having trouble figuring out what they can comfortably handle, or you aren't sure how to adjust the training from one day to the next. I'd also recommend getting help if your dog could hurt themselves while alone, or if you've been working on the problem without making progress.
And sometimes you might just want someone else to handle the complicated part. Separation anxiety training involves a lot of watching, planning, and adjusting based on how your dog responds.
If you'd like help, I offer virtual separation anxiety training anywhere in the U.S. I'll figure out where your dog is starting, create their training plan, and adjust it as we go based on what I'm seeing.
